


on a clear day you can see forever

by jazzfic



Category: Star Trek: Picard
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Mind Manipulation, Mind Meld, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:00:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28949334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazzfic/pseuds/jazzfic
Summary: Agnes and the monsters she made.
Relationships: Agnes Jurati/Cristóbal Rios
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	on a clear day you can see forever

**Author's Note:**

> Missing scene from episode 1.09, _Et in Arcadia Ego, Part 1_.

Light from the hazy unclouded sky flashed beneath her eyelids as she jerked, gasping, from Sutra’s hold. Something stopped her fall; no, someone. She let Cris keep her upright, thankful to not have to worry about a thing as stupid and fundamental as gravity when all she wanted was to sink to the core of this planet and not look back, not once, to the sun.

It was a cool and cowardly dream, sure, but it had to be better than what she’d just seen. It had to be better than _that._

Funny, Agnes thought, how she had moved on to analysing her own panic so quickly while still rappelling untethered from the comedown of it. 

Her heart slowed its incessant thumping. She felt herself return from... well, it didn’t matter any more. She didn’t want to go back. She’d given them her moment of bravery and it was done. 

“You okay, honey?”

Agnes blinked, trying to focus. Warm air lifted the sweat stung hair from her forehead. They were in a garden, she thought, a bloody rockgarden, insects buzzing quietly while waves crashed at the shore below. Everyone was silent, watching her. A small concerned huddle consisting of Raffi, Picard and Soji hovered nearby as Cris steered her to sit again beneath the shadecloth. She wondered who’s voice that was. She supposed it to be Raffi's.

Sutra was gone. Taken her smile and wondering eyes somewhere else. Agnes was glad, through she resented feeling that way.

“I’m fine,” she said, but it came out in a clump of sour breath and saliva, no real words. She wiped her mouth with the back of one hand. 

Above her she caught Cris shaking his head and she felt him take in a breath to say something, but she couldn't make out the words. She kept her weight against him as they sat on the cool slab. It was grounding, a little too hard to sit there for too long but that was good, she needed that. She wanted to turn and dip her body to lie across the length of it, to say sorry, _I’m so sorry I did what I did, and I’m sorry that I let her do what_ she _did._ A small blot of selfishness in a much bigger mistake. 

There, again, was Raffi’s voice, a concerned murmur threaded with impatience. Poor Agnes, yes, but they were here for a reason. They had limited time. Except Cris didn’t want to leave her; she got that much from the agitated back and forth between the two of them. She tried not to put too much thought into that. It was something that deserved clearer heads and space. 

Later, maybe. She could be selfish about other things, too, when the world wasn’t slowly caving in.

Eventually Raffi and Picard left together. Soong disappeared, too. Agnes watched Soji canvas her eyes over the ocean. She stood apart for a while, then turned back and knelt down. Her gaze flittered between Agnes's face to her still trembling hands, and she said, “I saw it, too, Dr Jurati. I don’t think things are going to end well here at all.” 

The last, said with a dreamy sort of nothing tone, was aimed firmly at Rios. Their captain, who, going by what the synth wasn’t saying, didn’t seem to have much of a plan at all. 

“Yeah, thanks, kid,” said Cris softly, as Soji walked away.

“This place is filled with soothsayers and harbingers.” Agnes wiped her eyes, sat up and tried to unclench her shoulders. She felt like she’d been plunged into cold water then hit all over with great rolling waves. “Including me, somehow. God...” 

He frowned, giving her room. “Are you okay?”

“No.”

Lying was taking strength from her she didn’t have. There wasn’t any point to it any more. 

Agnes glanced at his hands. It was about as far as she could make herself go. She didn’t want to pile it all onto him when he hadn’t asked, and meeting his eyes right now felt like a step too hard in that direction. 

“It’s like I can’t close my eyes, or even blink,” she said. “I feel like I’m eight years old and terrified of the monsters. Except I’m the grown god-damned scientist... and I made them.” 

_Don’t cry_ , she thought as her eyes swam, hot, stinging, as her brain did its hardest to betray her. 

Cris squinted at the sun. It was hot as an oven in this clifftop nest, a lazy day that hardly seemed right for the ends of everything to break their tentacled wrath and split the sky with fire. Or so she imagined. So she’d been told by Oh, whispered like a secret. _Isn’t this fun? Now you know of the shitstorm, too!_ Poor, sweet doctor. Little, murdering plaything. 

“No you didn’t, Agnes.”

He sighed and stood up, hands fussing a bit at his pockets. “Raffi’s right, we have to get on with things. We should...” He looked at her carefully. “Do you think you can walk?”

It has to wait, she realised. Rest, recovery, filling in the blanks or the hurt. Everything has to wait. He wasn’t being callous; he’d seen that look in Soji’s eyes and had liked it as much as Agnes had. They needed to get to the end of this day and then to the next, and the next again, to a long string of boring days with nothing happening, and then, maybe, she could sit back here or somewhere like it and talk absently about who dreamt what and who had the most guilt. Drown themselves in apologies, whatever. Be better, be okay. 

Agnes got to her feet. She folded her arms around her middle. “I really need to see where Dr Soong went. I think I can help him.” She didn’t look at Cris but felt a smile burrow its way from her chest, tight as it was, as she added, “Come find me later, okay?”

He didn’t reply, though she felt his eyes stray at her back. He was lost in that sort of helpless curiosity, the thing neither of them seemed very good at hiding. She ducked away, head down, following the paved stones and her own intent, back to the top of the hill.


End file.
